I ask this question today, Do parents interfere in the love affair of their children? As a parent, will you just sit back and allow your child to choose her love interests or will you interfere? You have seen, heard or at the very least you have read of arranged marriages. My question is thus very relevant. Do parents interfere in the love affair of their children? When should parents retire and allow their children to live their lives and come to a maturing?
It is argued by some parents that they interfere because they love their children. It is a very good emotion, to love your child. What type of love do you really profess?
When I started the series on effective parenting, I made quite a few assumptions:
1. That we understood what parenting is and when it stops
2. That we all needed to be effective as parents
3. That we might consider retirement as a parent sometime
When your ‘child’ is 45, still single and you shop around for a bride for him, are you still a parent?
I hope you understand thus why I asked the question, do parents interfere in the love affair of their children.
A friend stared at me horrified when I asked her that particular question. She looked at me and dismissed it as a silly question. She explained that in this modern age, parents do not bother themselves about the love affairs of their children. Her daughter came in and I noticed the casual questions she asked the daughter about a boyfriend.
The questions sounded casual but she was very keen as she listened to her daughter’s response. When her daughter left, my friend gave a very loaded sigh. I asked her what was on her mind and she gave me an instinctive answer. How do I tell her that her boyfriend is a no good boy who will never amount to much?
I kept quiet as I pondered. It was none of her business I thought to myself. The boy was seen as no good because he did not have the right connections, sometimes faith is weighed by the parents as a factor.
‘Wish them well, she may know what she is doing?’
My friend snorted, ‘In this day and age? you must be joking, she is only 25 and all she needs is money, cars, and an assured future. I have not suffered for some many years for her to waste our money on that boy’
I had a sad thought, are we not interfering with the legitimate dreams of our guests when we dream on their behalf? Are we not meant to retire from interfering?
There comes a time in the upbringing of these welcomed guests when we should step back and allow them to get on with their own woven tapestries of fate.
Certain laws of Life made them our temporary guests. For certain time we are permitted to live together as parent and child. However, there comes a time in our respective development that we may part ways and the relationship takes on a different meaning and interpretation.
A child is retired as a child when she has been evinced as mature enough to take independent decisions. Our human laws recognize that and support that understanding. We call it the coming of age.
Why should we not recognize the same thing for parents? Why would a parent not see that real retirement starts as a parent?
It should be a personal thing between a child and the parent. You do not have a reason to subtly, overtly or covertly interfere in the love affair or otherwise of your former guest. The tenancy expired spiritually when the child walked across the bridge and left her childhood behind in the castle.
I will be back soon. Do let me have your comments