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When is it time to do it?

When is it time to do it?american-teen-948079_1920

You don’t expect your child to ask you that type of question do you?
It was a strange question to ask her, and she stood there staring. Then she gulped and went back to the seat staring straight ahead. I knew then she was seeing the ghosts of her dreams. She sighed slowly and twisted her hands on her thighs.

“I guess I never thought of that” she muttered at last
Quite and interesting question all parents never expected to be asked and frankly speaking, if you were asked how were you going to answer? Do you trust your daughter with her male friends?
Kofo had always assumed she knew everything about her daughter, had insisted that she was very close with her daughter Solape. She would have been happy knowing about Solape as a model child until she was shown a sex tape by accident.

She almost had a heart attack and there had been one very violent fight at home. According to her, she had hit her daughter for the first time right across her face. The shock she had problem recovering from was that her daughter had hit her right back.

Kofo collapsed, not from the beating but from the shock of her daughter raising her hand back at her. It was a tough thing to happen. Segun had come to me in desperation asking me how to resolve the issue between wife and daughter. Solape had left the house in tears and Kofo vowed never to talk with her daughter ever again.
Never is a long word in relationships and definitely in a filial relationship. I had to ask my friend to swallow her pain enough to check what was the genesis of the fight, then asked her to be sure Solape was safe wherever she ran to for refuge. Segun had made some discreet calls and knew that his daughter was safe. He was also wondering what to do about his wife. Who was he expected to be loyal to in the first place?

What was the story about sex tape? Solape said her boyfriend had bought and they were going to watch it in his room. Kofo hit the roof asking if Solape already had been having sex with her boyfriend. Wait for it, Solape is twenty six had even concluded her service year but was waiting to get a job.
“That question was way out of her terms of responsibility” was Solape’s argument, when I finally met with the daughter. She wanted to resolve the fight with her mum but she was still angry herself.
“For goodness sake, she is not thinking I am a virgin am I?” Solape had continued pacing the sitting room of her friend Remi where she had taken impromptu shelter.

How do you negotiate a relationship that should have changed focus years ago? when Solape had attained the age of discernment?
The questions kept coming. What was wrong here? Both parties needed counseling?
Will you suggest solutions please?

While we are thinking about this problem, I have one of my own.
Parents ought to evolve from being parents with the responsibility to bring up their children to a point of maturity. All through the lives of their children until they have to pass on to the greater beyond, they should maintain a relationship. When should parents see their children as friends? What type of friends are you with your child? We would like at the stages of friendship in its different definitions , and like Solape demanded, what would be the terms of responsibility?
Looking forward to your responses.

Being a parent is easy, but parenting is for all your life

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Are you the talk or just a talk?

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Be the Talk
“Our environments are so replete with institutions that extol such values that could pervert the growing adolescent. Among them::
– becoming University graduates as teenagers
-along with this, exam malpractices funded by parents.
– immorality by sugar Daddy/sugar Mommy on Campuses
– sermons in places of worship that preach only breakthroughs without much knowledge of the scriptures
– uncensored home video movies
– lack of “hands on” education that places undue importance on paper qualifications.
– unending rat race among parents leaving no time for responsible parenting, that parental responsibilities to ill prepared boarding houses
– above all, between material and spiritual education that produce brain cripples that rule the world.
All these leave bitter tastes”

Dear parent, I thought I should start off with the comment of a parent over our last topic, Remember I asked how much your child was really worth?
Will you encourage your child to cheat? What is the value you have given your child?
We live in the information change and some of us have defined it as the age of knowledge.
It does not matter if our child becomes a professor at age 21, what else have we impacted in the child?
A sense of the right values of the child being able to see his place in the world as a viable human being able to navigate through the pressures of wanting to be like his peers, setting goals for himself and taking responsibility for his actions.

I came across a conversation by some young ladies and at issue was the sexuality of girls in comparison with that of the boys. In our culture across the country, the girl child is expected to play the role of the restrained miss. She is expected to finish school, and get married in that order. Most girls are beginning to resist that role allocation, and wish to live on their own terms but there is always the sneaking feeling of being left on the shelf.

We say the biological clock of the female ticks regardless of whatever she does and so girls feel the pressure and want to rush into marriage even when they are not emotionally prepared.
What do we mean really? What is our responsibility to preparing our children for marriage, and what optics of our own marriage will they see to decide if we can be that talk?
I seemto be full of questions today. Let us really talk and be the talk of what we tell our children from when they take that first breath in our arms and we look into their eyes and love flows from us to the infant and gratitude from our hearts to the Creator for the opportunity to be the talk.
Chat soon