When is it time to do it?
You don’t expect your child to ask you that type of question do you?
It was a strange question to ask her, and she stood there staring. Then she gulped and went back to the seat staring straight ahead. I knew then she was seeing the ghosts of her dreams. She sighed slowly and twisted her hands on her thighs.
“I guess I never thought of that” she muttered at last
Quite and interesting question all parents never expected to be asked and frankly speaking, if you were asked how were you going to answer? Do you trust your daughter with her male friends?
Kofo had always assumed she knew everything about her daughter, had insisted that she was very close with her daughter Solape. She would have been happy knowing about Solape as a model child until she was shown a sex tape by accident.
She almost had a heart attack and there had been one very violent fight at home. According to her, she had hit her daughter for the first time right across her face. The shock she had problem recovering from was that her daughter had hit her right back.
Kofo collapsed, not from the beating but from the shock of her daughter raising her hand back at her. It was a tough thing to happen. Segun had come to me in desperation asking me how to resolve the issue between wife and daughter. Solape had left the house in tears and Kofo vowed never to talk with her daughter ever again.
Never is a long word in relationships and definitely in a filial relationship. I had to ask my friend to swallow her pain enough to check what was the genesis of the fight, then asked her to be sure Solape was safe wherever she ran to for refuge. Segun had made some discreet calls and knew that his daughter was safe. He was also wondering what to do about his wife. Who was he expected to be loyal to in the first place?
What was the story about sex tape? Solape said her boyfriend had bought and they were going to watch it in his room. Kofo hit the roof asking if Solape already had been having sex with her boyfriend. Wait for it, Solape is twenty six had even concluded her service year but was waiting to get a job.
“That question was way out of her terms of responsibility” was Solape’s argument, when I finally met with the daughter. She wanted to resolve the fight with her mum but she was still angry herself.
“For goodness sake, she is not thinking I am a virgin am I?” Solape had continued pacing the sitting room of her friend Remi where she had taken impromptu shelter.
How do you negotiate a relationship that should have changed focus years ago? when Solape had attained the age of discernment?
The questions kept coming. What was wrong here? Both parties needed counseling?
Will you suggest solutions please?
While we are thinking about this problem, I have one of my own.
Parents ought to evolve from being parents with the responsibility to bring up their children to a point of maturity. All through the lives of their children until they have to pass on to the greater beyond, they should maintain a relationship. When should parents see their children as friends? What type of friends are you with your child? We would like at the stages of friendship in its different definitions , and like Solape demanded, what would be the terms of responsibility?
Looking forward to your responses.
Being a parent is easy, but parenting is for all your life