Posted on

Timor Mortis even now?

TIMOR MORTIS EVEN NOW?

Rise above death,
Show love,
Rise above pain,
Give comfort.
Mortality beckons when you think of self,
Rise above death,
When you give meaning to your name.

Search for the meaning of your name,
Search still for the meaning of Light,
Look to your soul,
When next Life’s hefts,
Has you in wefts!

ONE DAY CHILD

The Lord touched me,
When the sun rose golden,
Fresh from yesterday’s slumber,
With gifts of the day
One more day child.

The Lord touched me,
When the clouds parted,
And thunder rolled her
Carpets of soothing rain
To cool me fevered hopes,
One more day child.

The Lord touched me,
When the earth robed
Her children in splashes
Of harvesting colors
To feed my yearning soul
One more day child

The Lord touched me
When He sent HIM
To hold my hand gently
As I step over crags and thorns
HIS love like Dove’s down,
Guides my spirit’s trip
Make Hay child!

LOVE TO KILL

She offered me friendship,
I gave her my kinship,
Then she fancied him,
He was yesterday’s pansy,
That became today’s dandy,
He was quite handy,
To anyone he fancied,
Both of them became foolhardy,
When they chose to be tardy,
And turned beauty into bawdy,
As their stolen love became tawdry.

Here I stand,
My friendship in tatters,
Flying in some feathers,
Neither hither nor thither,
For it was never tethered.
T’is novel to kill
What you can’t ken to fill,
With the truth to feel,
When your treachery keels
Over one looks ill
With love for you
My friendship killed
By my lady Serpentine!


THE PILGRIMS

They come to the mountain,
High up in light,
In their professed whiteness,
Their hems stained with oil,
Their fingers grimy with dirt,
From their thoughts and hates,
The earth has wept sodden,
The beings sighed faint,
While they chased gold,
As prizes for their feints!

Posted on

Learning Lessons

Hello everyone,
I am sharing my fortieth year as a writer. It was a bit surprising when my husband noted thatthis year makesit the fortieth year of my writing experience.
So I had to ask myself a few questions. what has been my experience. I live in a country where the reading culture had been bastardised.
What have I achieved in all the 40 years? Is it worth celebrating?
Given the country I live in,I have grown a lot, my writing skills has improved. In recognition of that length of time, I changed the look of my website. made a conscious effort to reflect on what has moved me through the years.
I am bit surprised to note that I have always been socially conscious, from my romantic plays, to my detective series as well as so many other stories. I even wrote horror stories which recently changed forms to religious and fantasy.
I have published quite a number of novels, poetry and produced plays.
I am musing today and will share in the weeks to come my stories, rationale and lessons learned.Meanwhile let me share this with you
TREAD SOFTLY

Don’t get lost
In the weft of threads
Don’t swim west
From the heat of sweat
Don’t make mounds
From life’s hounds
Search through the chaff
From the flowing stream
Each clap of thunder
Each sighing hiss
Of the fierce lightning
Evidence of streaming light
Follow the rainbow stream
And friend, you’ll be home.

Posted on

Learning Lessons

Hello everyone,
I am sharing my fortieth year as a writer. It was a bit surprising when my husband noted thatthis year makesit the fortieth year of my writing experience.
So I had to ask myself a few questions. what has been my experience. I live in a country where the reading culture had been bastardised.
What have I achieved in all the 40 years? Is it worth celebrating?
Given the country I live in,I have grown a lot, my writing skills has improved. In recognition of that length of time, I changed the look of my website. made a conscious effort to reflect on what has moved me through the years.
I am bit surprised to note that I have always been socially conscious, from my romantic plays, to my detective series as well as so many other stories. I even wrote horror stories which recently changed forms to religious and fantasy.
I have published quite a number of novels, poetry and produced plays.
I am musing today and will share in the weeks to come my stories, rationale and lessons learned.Meanwhile let me share this with you
TREAD SOFTLY

Don’t get lost
In the weft of threads
Don’t swim west
From the heat of sweat
Don’t make mounds
From life’s hounds
Search through the chaff
From the flowing stream
Each clap of thunder
Each sighing hiss
Of the fierce lightning
Evidence of streaming light
Follow the rainbow stream
And friend, you’ll be home.

Posted on

What is that darling?

girl-882336_1280

How modern are we as parents? Really and truly?
Tinu is the executive officer of an NGO “Belfort Place”. She has a daughter called Banke. I am deliberately dispensing with surnames. That way they are private while we talk about them.

Banke is home on an exeat of a day. The mother takes Banke shopping and as they move towards the check out, something drops from Banke’s bag. Tinu had the presence of mind not to react instantly as Bank quickly drops it back in her bag. But for the rest of the shopping, Tinu is distracted. Later during refreshment, conversation ensues
Tinu: Who is he?
Banke: (Very mystified) He?
Tinu: Saw the condom in your bag
Tinu leans back and laughs, but Tinu is about to have a heart attack, never mind that her NGO counsels people on rape and victims.

“Honestly I didn’t know what to make of it, had she become sexually active already? She is only sixteen?”
Tinu had given her mother a look, shrugged and explained that another NGO had come to their school and distributed free condoms to all of them.
Tinuhad a lot to think about, it was an NGO, and the students had been given a talk about sexual activities. Tinu said, she felt suddenly vulnerable about her daughter and was not so sure she welcomed the idea of condom distribution in her daughter’s school. Seriously now, how many of us as parents who claim to be modern really love the idea of that talk? When we shared the event with Tunrayo, she was scandalized and went on and on about NGOs being part of the problem. She was of the view that children should not be told anything until they were well into their first year in University.
“Don’t be a goose Tunrayo said sharply, Olayinka got raped while she was in 300 level and she had been told nothing. If her mother had taken time to talk about sexuality at all, the poor girl would not have gone off to a strange city with her half- brother.

The argument moved from should NGOs be allowed to give sexuality orientation in secondary schools? Notice that my emphasis has been on sexuality and not on sex education. Is there a difference? Sure there is a difference? However the experience today is : what would be your reaction if your girl child has a packet of condom in her bag.
Banke said, she used the condom to let her seniors know of her preferred orientation
That started Tinu off as she asked what was going on in the boarding house for girls?
Banke rolled her eyes and turned to me: “Big Mummy, have you ever heard of feathering”
My throat went dry as I asked what she meant, and she said

When a senior girl is interested in a girl in the school, they ask her to be a friend with benefits. They educate her in what they mean about the benefits. If she refuses to give them the password to her server, they feather her. That means they come round to her bed at night and initiate her. Can you persuade my mum that I do not wish to give anybody right now a password to my server?
Can somebody please educate me further?

Posted on

What about the butterflies mum?

orphanage-278476_1920

I shook my head trying hard not to let her down. I never saw the butterflies nor did I see the stars. I felt resentment rise in me, as I felt cheated of what may have been a legitimate experience. She was looking at me and I could swear I saw stars in her eyes. Were those butterflies I felt in my stomach, my hands were sweating and I knew I was going to sound like a frog being strangled if I spoke. I took refuge in a screechy laugh. Alarmed at that sound I clamped my mouth shut.
There was a teeny bit of jealousy that rose in me. Tolu my fourteen year old daughter was beginning to look uncertain. I held her in my arms and screamed silently for help and guidance. She wanted to know when she would know she was in love and was asking me what she should feel. Nothing in my warehouse of memories looked like what the romance books says. The clammy feeling, the stars in her eyes and those darn butterflies!. I get all those feelings when I am nervous or am about to hit the roof over something.

Tolu had been told by her friends at school that she would feel all those things when she meets Mr. Right, Ergh! We had to talk, it was standard practice in the house, she asks the questions and I had always been able to answer the questions. Now I am having problem answering this one because knowing my daughter as I do, her next question was going to be if I felt that way about her father. So I took a deep breath, and held her hands

“Darling, love comes to people in different ways, when we are young and start seeing the opposite sex as a bit more interesting than the nuisance we thought they were, our generative instinct is coming into play. We are beginning to be self- conscious, we start wanting to look like the ideal we sense and want the object of our interest to see us as the ideal. I guess that is when we see those stars because we see in the other person something higher than ourselves and we want to be the best for that person. These feelings awaken in us the sense of what real love should be like. It is a beginning my dear but like a fruit just budding, you must allow it to grow, mature and ripen . Remember how I used to tell you not to eat unripe mangoes in the garden? You know you must allow it to mature and ripen and then you enjoy the fruit?”

Tolu nodded and she looked at me as she asked, “So falling in love is like seeing an unripe mango?”
“Learning about those butterflies in your stomach is learning about love and you will need to give the mango time to grow, mature and…..”
“ripen” she finished for me laughing.
I went further picking my words carefullyas I explained about crushes, infatuation and their new definitions of friends with benefits and friends without benefits. She was amused and we chatted for a few more minutes before I rushed off for my production meeting.

Obviously Tolu had only barely understood the phrase about “friends with benefits” because she asked her dad what were the benefits the neighbor’s undergraduate son meant when he said they could be friends. I waited until the wretch got back home and bared my teeth to the miserable boy, explained to him the benefits derivable from a rampaging witch as well as what the insides of a police cell could look like. I smiled as I explained to a horrified young idiot what he could with his benefits.

Tolu is barely on talking terms with him as I revisited out talk and gave details about the meaning of “friends with benefits”

Did I do it right? I have been wondering.
What do you think folks?

Posted on

Talk to me about you

couple-254683_1920

It was not intended that Funke would walk in on the conversation. Tired and understandably irritated she took her shoes off as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. She froze however as she heard her daughter’s voice, “I think she hates me, she is always gossiping about me to daddy”. Her hands flew to her mouth to suppress the gasp and she froze. The voice that answered was that of Melinda, her close friend. Funke waited to hear her response but Melinda had stiffened so ran down the stairs silently put her shoes back on and made a noisy entrance. Her heart was beating very fast but she desperately tried to keep a straight face as she made a ceremony of opening the door.
Temi, her daughter was in tears as she stared at her mother too horrified by the knowledge that her sentence had been heard. She made an attempt to fly to the bedroom but Funke dragged her back and into her arms. “I didn’t mean that Mum”

Generally they don’t mean that truly. It takes an extreme act of abuse before your child will say that about you. But it is a warning sign, to let you check your communication strategies. We always state that every parent was once a child, sometimes looking into yesterday may help us understand today as we plan for tomorrow.
Let me share some tips for effective listening:
1.Be attentive when you listen to your child and maintain eye contact. It is discouraging to a child if you look away or text while the child is talking
2. Show signs that you are listening, nod, make sounds that you are paying close attention
3. Whatever you hear, never show horror or disgust, or even contempt, you will not get a chance again.
4. Don’t look bored, yawn, look at your wrist watch or at the door. Give your child total attention. Let your child know that the moment is vitally important to you.
5.Ask question for clarification, don’t pretend you have all the answers, it works better if you offer to research the question for more answers. That moment is vital and give that quality time all the importance it deserves.
6. Children appreciate being able to have the opportunity to expreee how they feel. Time to talk is the best teachable moment you can have to let your child know what you hope for with them.
7. Don’t yell or scream or order. Telling your child that he/she is headed for the darkest part of hell for an infringement makes the child rebellious and creates a most negative effect.
8.Show empathy and acceptance, it is your opportunity to guide the thoughts and dreams. Your child gains confidence and trusts both you and himself

Dialogue is always a better option, be prepared to allow your child to tell you those things you have said that has been hurtful and confusing. Your child needs to know that he/she is learning to be a viable individual in the community and you are willing to invest in the moral growth of your child.
Show faith and trust in that child and be willing to defend values, your values.
We will expect you at the blog
Chat soon

Posted on

How often should you touch your child in a day?

mother-434355_1920

Well remember the post we shared about privacy tips for your child/children? I came across this in a group chat. I found it interesting and asked permission to share it here.
To all parents and even grandparents, as well as teachers, here are some unbelievably simple parenting ideas that work.
1. Children need a minimum of eight touches during a day to feel connected to a parent.
If they’re going through a particularly challenging time, it’s a minimum of 12 a day. This doesn’t have to be a big deal; it could be the straightening of a collar, a pat on the shoulder or a simple hug.
2. Each day, children need one meaningful eye-to-eye conversation with a parent.
It is especially important for babies to have that eye contact, but children of all ages need us to slow down and look them in the eyes.
3. There are nine minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child:
the first three minutes right after they wake up
the three minutes after they come home from school
the last three minutes of the day before they go to bed
We need to make those moments special and help our children feel loved.
These are simple, right? Nothing really earth-shattering here.
Try it.

1⃣ Whenever u feel like scolding or beating your child, take a deep breath, or count 1-10 and then act.
2⃣ Let’s ask them to study their favorite subject on their own..
3⃣ Send them to one exam without studying at all..
4⃣ Remember what our kids are learning in 5th std is taught to 7th std abroad..
5⃣ Lets keep our kids out of unwanted competition.
6⃣ 80% of what kids are learning ,won’t be useful to them in future..
7⃣ Our kids can really afford to do whatever they want to do in future .
8⃣ Higher degrees don’t guaranty success and happiness..
9⃣ Not all the highly educated people do well professionally.
And not all who do well professionally are the happiest ones..
10 Kids are always in a party mood.. don’t spoil their childhood. Support and let them be what they want to be.
Pass this on to as many parents as u can..
And change the way we look at our kids and their future.
Did you find this interesting? Let’s have your comments please. Join us on our Facebook page and continue the conversation.

Posted on

Who is the adolescent?

Who is the adolescent really?
Have you ever felt real frustration talking to your child and she looks at you blankly for as long as you were ‘yakking’, then she sighs and asks you what is the next thing you want?
Both of you know at that moment that you have wasted each other’s time. There is a tiny sense of despondency within you for you know the message you want to pass is very vital but you just can’t seem to get it through her thick head right.?
Don’t give up, and assume that a demon may have possessed her or you ascribe the issues to a relative or the other.
Every parent at some level needs to be an effective parent and as much as it is instinctive for some, it is for the most part an art you need to acquire too. I know most parents really need to be communicative in teaching the child the different realities of life and you must teach it well before you assume you have done your best. It is not going to be enough to put your hands up in the air, give up and consign your child to the influences of others who really don’t care.
Why do you need to talk with your child anyway? How about considering these reasons?
• As a parent, you have the most influence over your child
• Your child trusts you
• Your child needs to know facts about its sexuality very early in its growing years, we hear cases of child abuse, young girls taken off and married off. We must learn what they should know, and it is now urgent
• Children particularly teenagers face a lot of peer pressure, it is not enough to just bark orders, you must learn to talk more, listen and guide.
• It is an opportunity to help the child build values, and ethics that will serve the child. If you have family values, this is the time to start passing it on.
• You must have the facts, not the myths always so that your child can trust the information you pass on.
• You will need to pass information in teachable and comfortable way, to allow your child understand that the information is in the child’s best interest. Don’t fall into the temptation of giving dire warnings and issuing threats. It does not work.
• Children are naturally inquisitive and will explore things, test your facts and your value system against what they read, pick up from the internet, learn to be one step ahead as much as you can.
• Your child need to know that you are always seeking for information that will be helpful for it and it creates trust if you are willing to tell your child that you will find out about a subject. Don’t act the ‘know it all’ parent.
• As a parent, you should be the first to educate your child about sexuality issues. Remove the mystery and simply be factual so the child builds self respect and personal value system
• Know your child, it is important to be aware of the child’s weaknesses, concerns and let the child know you trust the child to overcome these weaknesses and give your child the sensing that you know the strengths and highlight those strength often to the child.
• Negative media messages are threats to your child’s self esteem, counter these messages by always giving the correct facts. We all have different body shapes and a girl watching ultra slim celebrities will be under peer pressure. Explain to your child that the body evolves and there are different body shapes for different personalities.
Contrary to what we think sometimes, not all adolescents are on the make and getting through to them, discussing their bodies with them in a relaxed and easy manner helps them over their confusions and might also give you a handle on living with your child. It is not okay to give very dire warnings every time or threaten that you feel the child is going to come to grief one of these days. We should show faith, constant trust and be ‘available ‘ always.
On one last point, our shop will open soon and you might want to browse through to pick up a few things.
We will talk very soon and if you do like what you have read so far, why don’t you subscribe so we simply drop our next chat in your mail box and you can remain current.
Finally we will love to have your contributions and comment as well.
Remember, every parent was once a child.